you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
