this beer tastes like vomit already
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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