Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
