I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
