You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
