We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
