also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
