im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
