I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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