I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
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