that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
