Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
