Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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