it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
