Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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