Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
