If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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