well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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