hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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