mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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