can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
two words...techno handjob
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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