I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
