i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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