I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
