So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Alive.
So much puke
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
