Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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