Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
cat food counts as protein by the way
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
