I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
