I CAN MOONWALK!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
