just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
