I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
