Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
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It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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