i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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