I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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