just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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