I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
