she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
