I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
