You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize