everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
