life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i've created a new STD.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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