So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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