pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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