we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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