i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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