so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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