Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
