There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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