when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
