dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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