its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
