You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize