The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Alive.
So much puke
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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