You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
