He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
