i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
