I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
