She is in my trunk
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
