Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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