Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Still dying that you shit outside
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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