I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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