i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
