I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
