then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
