Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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