Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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