It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
