dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
