if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
