All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
