some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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