Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Randomize
