we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
