I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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