now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
