the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
